My first year was an incredible time to really examine my heart and wrestle with God on some character issues that were holding me back. Having the opportunity to have brothers and sisters in Christ alongside to encourage and hold me accountable while also being fully excepting with love, has helped me build honest relationships I never thought I could have. Now that I’m back for a second year, this season has been a whole new way of life. I’ve been able to lead people while still learning, as well as grow in my confidence and gifting’s.  I think so often we tend to hide those gifts and certainly never consider exercising them publically, all out of an insecure heart. Once I was in an environment where people believed in me and showed me the value God would, it was a total game changer.

In LSSC, you have the opportunity to create over and over again without ever having expectations of perfection. I’m inspired literally daily by the staff and leaders around me that have modeled firsthand what it’s like to be fearless and walk boldly in the direction according to the vision God has placed into their hearts for this school. Being in LSSC has taught me that a lot of the problems I had faced through my life and the ways I resorted to dealing with them all were due to the absence of not having God at the center of my life. My faith in Jesus is now what sustains and keeps me moving forward.

It’s absolutely amazing the new doors of opportunity God has opened for LSSC just within this year! I owe all who I am today to God and what He has molded me into through this internship. I feel like my journey as a leader and women of God has only begun. LSSC has helped me realize that I do have a unique wonderful purpose and potential to do anything through Christ, with hard work and dedication. We all need a season at some point in our lives to pull away from everything that distracts and moves us away from developing a closer relationship with God. LSSC can be a place for all that and more, with an open heart and eagerness to let go and let God.

The end of my first year in LSSC is rapidly approaching with a month and two weeks left until graduation. Writing this blog is more than just a telling of my life here in LSSC, but a reflection for me of what God’s done in my life. Nine months went by so fast, but the young man I was when I first started this internship seems like a life time of difference away from who I am today.

When I started the Leadership School of Southern California I was completely unsure of what was to come. The two Pastors who told me about LSSC were the only two people I even knew who lived here in Corona, California, and even they did not know much about the program. All I knew was that God called me there, and I walked out in faith. I stepped onto new grounds expecting to be completely alone. Little did I know of the great community I was walking into, and the amazing brothers I would gain. You see, if nothing else I’ve learned from being in LSSC, its how to live in community. I have mentors who constantly pour wisdom and love into me, brothers who I can do life with everyday, and sisters I respect and give honor to.

The life change I have experienced goes so much deeper than only temporary adjustments to my outer appearance, slight personality quirks, and minor character flaws. The change I have experienced has brought health to the core of my spirit, and brought light to the course of my life. LSSC has helped me to greater understand my purpose in the kingdom of God. I was made for a cause, I was made to be strong, I was made to love God, I was made to be a light.

If you are seriously interested in joining LSSC, please be prepared to die.

Let me explain.

I am learning more everyday what Jesus meant when He said to pick up our cross and follow Him. Jesus said this before He died on a cross, He said this when dying on a cross meant something different than the beautiful picture of salvation that we know today. Jesus first said this in a time and culture that knew dying on a cross meant the death of a man with no identity, a man who rejected himself, a man with no reputation. I am slowly and surely, day by day, learning and living out what Jesus meant when He said that. Everyday I give of myself, I sacrifice my time, I do the hard things. I pour into my students, I go the extra mile, I act selflessly. The hardest part of this year, however, was when God asked me to die to myself. You see, I am a planner; I knew what I wanted to do next year, and the next five years, and exactly how I wanted to do it. I over planned, I over thought, and therefore I worried a lot. God asked me to die to myself by giving Him my plans, my dreams, my desires, goals, everything. My plans and dreams were the things I held onto the most, they were the things that were most precious to me. How dare God ask me to give up something I love so much, right? Wrong! In reality, God was just asking me to give up the things I trusted more than Himself. My dreams and plans took the place in my heart that was supposed to be reserved for God. I had a false faith in my own plans, because I thought I knew better than God. I was so very wrong. God asked me to give up my own dreams, and He would give me a bigger one. God asked me to give up my own desires, and He would give me the desires of His own heart. In the moment I stopped wrestling with God and finally said, “here are my dreams God, here are my plans, they are yours,” I felt such peace. How beautiful is a soul set free, even set free from itself. Now, here I am, merely a week later from this experience to say that God has placed bigger dreams on my heart, bigger desires, greater passion than ever before. God placed His desires on my heart, and now, I can’t wait to see what God does!

If you’ve had the patience to read this entire blog, thank you, and I leave you with these final words. LSSC has led me to trust in God far more than ever, love His people so much deeper, and dream so much bigger! For those who have supported me, thank you so much! For those who are interested in or already have applied for LSSC; look forward with courage, and know God is ready to take you to new heights!

Just do it after school you may say? Nope. For me that isn’t quite the option. A normal day for me, Tawny Ainis, consists of: waking up at 5:30am to go to the gym, getting ready and going to school at 8:30am, leaving early at 3:30pm to go to work at 4pm-10pm, and then finally going home to go straight to bed and do it all over again the next day. That might sound tedious, but I thoroughly enjoy it. Sure I get tired, and wish I could close my eyes for a mere 10 minutes. But I am also so fulfilled with my whole day that I can’t wait to do it all over again. I am growing as a person and building a foundation to live a life upon.

Now back to the time managing thing. I’m still getting the hang of it. As I sit on the LSSC girl’s couch at 10:40pm I am rapidly typing to get this done. Don’t worry, I put a lot of thought into this throughout the day, I made an outline in my mind, even had prepared a rough draft verbally…Okay you caught me. I forgot. First thing after I got off work was “Oh snap the blog! Time to get down to business.” But I feel being late writing this was for a reason. Mainly because of the amazing day I had today.

Today was more of a relaxed day for LSSC. With all the fundraising events, planning, meetings, church, schoolwork, and just downright busyness, we were glad to have a day of Sabbath if you will. We went to Prospect Park in Redlands to enjoy the natural beauty the world has that we often overlook. As we sat on blankets, we passed around a ball of yarn and would share encouraging words to the person we passed it to. At the end each of us had given and received positive comments, and each had the yarn tied into a bracelet to unify us together. After the park we were given journals that were painted specifically to match our personalities. We were also given ten minutes to find a spot to write about whatever we felt God was telling us. It was a very peaceful and serene moment for me as I sat under a tree with the light shining down through the branches. It really allowed to me slow down to appreciate and enjoy all of the beautiful things around us that God created; which is everything.

I am so blessed to be a part of LSSC, that every day I am able to experience moments such as this. They may not always be in a cool setting with emotions flowing, but also the daily acts that may seem mundane. I am so appreciative of this program that I get to learn from and grow my heart closer to God. I look forward to everyday for this season of my life.

One day during the peak of all the insanity of college acceptance letters and what-not, God knocked me over the head with the idea that I needed to give my first year out of high school to him so that he can grow me, stretch me, and prepare me for what He wants me to accomplish for Him when I actually do go off to a 4-year college. “Woah! Ok God! Im in! How do I do that though?” The next day Pastor Chris Harrell came up to me and started talking about how LSSC is not just for people who are seeking jobs in ministry, but that it is also a program that provides a gap year for students who are fresh out of high school and desire to take a year to grow closer to God before going out into the world. Boom. There was my answer right there! When can I sign up?

Fast forward to now. I am three weeks into LSSC and they may have possibly been the best three weeks of my entire life! They have also easily been the most productive, tiring, adventurous, and educational three weeks of my entire life. Because of the 8:30-4:00p.m. school days Monday thru Thursday, non-stop serving at the church, the all day fundraisers in the hot sun, the going gym every other day, the manual labor of constructing other church venues, internships, and online classes, I feel more productive than I have ever been in my whole life. And that was just within 3 weeks of the program. By the end of every day, I feel completely drained, and I love it! I love the satisfaction that comes from knowing that I used up all of my time and resources by praying, learning, and serving throughout the day. For the first time in my life, I am excited to wake up for school because I know that God is going to push me to a limit that I never thought I could reach. This program is truly a blessing that is already beginning to form an everlasting impact on my life.